Grief and loss can be traumatic

Any loss that you experience, such as the loss of a loved one, good health or fulfilling work can cause you to feel at risk or unsafe. Loss can be traumatic and cause intense grief. How you process such an experience can trigger a variety of responses, some of which are helpful and others are unhelpful.

Adversity in life is inevitable. It may attract thoughts and emotional reactions that overtake our bodies. Loss may impede our ability to focus, to concentrate, to complete daily functions such as eating, working, sleeping, parenting and self-care. Numbness, disbelief, and avoidance of what the loss means to you, while understandable, can prolong your pain and suffering.

Grieving is a natural part of processing a loss and can help us move forward in life.  Grief can show up immediately or weeks later and it may reappear randomly, triggered during traditional holiday celebration or family events. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's introduced to 5 stages of grief being denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages are not rigid steps as people don't always go through them in order, may skip some, or experience them differently. This ending can be a relationship ending, a death of a loved one or the end of something really important to you.

Heal your emotions before they hurt your body. Identifying the underlying emotions and sensations, managing them effectively and engaging our natural abilities of resilience is different for each of us. Learning how to calm the body before the intensity of physical or emotional sensations become overwhelming can help reduce or even curtail the numbing or avoidance behaviour such as withdrawing, overdrinking or sleeping too much. Give yourself permission to express loss in a safe and healthy manner.  By attending to the emotions and physical sensations we experience, you will cultivate more adaptive techniques that will serve you in future challenges.   Allow these sensations and reactions to loss emotions to enter your awareness intentionally.

This may be done in a combination of ways: Speak to a friend or consider seeking professional support - Connection between people can cue the sense of safety; Listen to the music you enjoy; Move your body in a way that feels good, whether it be a walk or a vigorous run or dance. The favourite release for many is to get some fresh air and spend time outdoors. Movement requires breathing. Breath helps us connect to our nervous system and can help with regulation of emotions.

Breath work. Using a daily practice of breath work and stillness to heal and calm the body will encourage open mindedness, curiosity and self-compassion.  This will enable a nurturing climate to process emotions without the physical reactions becoming so intense and overwhelming.  So, breathe, still the body and allow yourself to soften the edges of physical and emotional distress.

Try this activity. Find a quiet spot, sit in a chair and close your eyes. ·      Allow your body to be supported by the chair. Feel your feet firmly on the ground ·      Take a deep inhalation to the count of four. ·      Exhale slowly to the count of 8. Repeat this cycle three to five times. ·      As you release your breath each time, come into your body:  soften your cheeks and forehead; let your jaw drop; allow your shoulders to relax; allow your hands to be fully supported in your lap. ·      Invite awareness of the emotional and physical sensations that show up for you. ·      Get curious. Consider how these affect you.

Taking a few moments to focus on yourself through breath work can release stress in your body. Chronic stress on your body can lead to physical health conditions such as autoimmune disease, addiction or other behaviour that is risky, such as distracted driving.

Reassuring positive self-talk is another way to affirm your ability to cope with moments of intense emotions. By speaking aloud reassuring and positive messages to yourself, your brain will hear them differently. Try different coping phrases and find the ones that resonate with you. Here are a few examples: ·      While this situation is difficult, I will be okay. ·      I’ll just let my body do its things. This feeling will pass. ·      I can take all the time I need to let go and relax. ·       I will learn to adapt to this new path. ·      While I am feeling alone, there are good memories I can relive anytime I want. ·      This anxiety won't hurt me—even if it doesn't feel good. ·       I deserve to feel okay right now. Create an intention to find the healthy coping mechanisms that work for you and practice it for an extended period. After 2-3 weeks take stalk of what you have been trying and see if it has helped. Remember to give these new techniques sufficient time to increase their potential for you. We know that habit forming can take 21 consecutive days to take root. We are all unique, so different things work for different people.  Allow your body to experience emotional sensations under your care and attention and know that you can begin to soothe yourself effectively. With intentional and regular practice, over time a sense of mastery will develop. With mastery comes self competence and confidence.